I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
