The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
