so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
