Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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