Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
