I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
