I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
