i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
