and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
