Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
