well you can't waste a boner
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
