I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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