dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
