the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
