VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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