Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
