why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
