why didn't you poke me back
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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