this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
