why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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