that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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