sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
