the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
