totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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