This girl is more easily done than said...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
