Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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