Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
