I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
