Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
