dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
A bitchslap is in order.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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