some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's get the cat blown out
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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