i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We got so high we made milksteak
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
