she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
