Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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