the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
