Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
