Ambien. No doubt about it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
