Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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