all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
