votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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