My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
