Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
