If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize