Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
