I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
