I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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