Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
