After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize