Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
