Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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