actually, I'm a sock model
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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