stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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