Ambien. No doubt about it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
