All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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