i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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