I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
