Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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