bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
