remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
