He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
