so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
