Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
