I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
