wat bout pragnant strippers??
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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