Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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