I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
