Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize