Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
