Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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