if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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