the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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