New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Someone shattered a urinal.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
