1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My room smells like vodka and shame
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
