i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
