dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
