Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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