Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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