dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
