I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
