chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
