she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You're like the curious george of whores
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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