God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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