he wants to bone in the snuggie
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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