So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
