No awkward lesbian experiences without me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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