she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
