We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
