We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
