We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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