dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
