Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
