So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
