Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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