I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I am one with the molecules
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
