It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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