I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
