Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize