her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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