Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize