So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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